Here's our story:
I met Soyoung when I was about 11 or 12 years old. My mom had been going to Soyoung for massage and had just started taking yoga classes with her. I had been having trouble with tight shoulders and arms while playing piano, so my mom thought yoga would be perfect for me. I couldn't make it to any of the class times, so I started taking private yoga lessons with Soyoung in her upstairs purple room. It was a wonderful time of learning, growing, and confiding in my new friend. Often my mom and I would stay for some lunch or a snack and chat with Soyoung and Steve. When they moved to a house closer to mine, I would go over more often on my own. I rode my bike over there several times, and by the time I could drive I was over there at least 2 times a week. I attended yoga classes when I could and usually stayed for dinner after. When I was sixteen Soyoung invited me to join a small group to be trained as Hatha Yoga instructors. Yes, I have been certified, but I have become horribly out of practice in recent years (I'm working on it though!)
I was one of Steve and Soyoung's girls. There are three of us: Katy, her sister Amy, and me. Katy and I participated in the certification course together, and all three of us joined Steve and Soyoung for regular dinners, trips to Santa Barbara or Los Alamos, and sleepovers. Our sleepovers were always fun! We always did girly stuff like facials and nail polish, pampered their dogs Wulfie and Max, watched movies, and talked late into the night. We also always had Steve's chocolate bread. It's delicious and simple. Cut open a baguette, put dark chocolate (usually from Trader Joe's) in the middle, and toast it. It really is amazing, and Steve made it for us every time! I was in high school when Soyoung was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was crushed. I was scared. I really had no idea how to process the information. Soyoung didn't talk about it much, and life just sort of moved on.
When I went off to college, our communication was the occasional phone call and email, and I always made at least one visit to their house when I was home over breaks. Just after my freshman year, Steve got on a job in Georgia, and they moved across the US. I was devastated that I wouldn't see them over holiday breaks, so the first 4-day weekend in October of my sophomore year I flew out to see them. The Georgia coast is truly one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and the people are so friendly. Jesse and I had become official (first kiss) the weekend before I went out there, and Soyoung was already telling me that she knew I was going to marry him. During the weekend I met their friend and neighbor Liz and others in their community. Steve and I took the BMW for a drive, kayaked in the St. Mary's river, and then ate at Cracker Barrel. I practiced piano at a house down the street and played a few impromptu concerts for their friends. Steve and Soyoung are just as proud of me as the rest of my family! Soyoung and I cozied up with tea and talked for hours, we all went shopping, and we ate lots of delicious food.
The next year in October, Steve and Soyoung flew out to California for my wedding. It was so wonderful to have them there. I wore earrings that they had given me for my birthday the year before, and at my reception Soyoung gave me her pearl ring. I don't wear it if I know I have a heavy practicing day, but you will usually see it on my right hand. The next summer, in August 2010, was the last time I saw Soyoung. I had spent the summer at Brevard Music Center while Jesse was studying for the bar exam in Houston. His exam ended just before the end of my program, so he drove east and we made a vacation out of it. We drove around North Carolina and then down to Georgia to see Steve and Soyoung. It was another wonderful weekend that went by all too quickly. I shared with Soyoung my plans for the future and my fears. She was always supportive and really believed in me. Over the last few years, we would spend a few hours on the phone every 6 months or so, and exchange an email here and there. The last phone call I made, in March or April, I left a message, but she never returned my call. I had no idea she had gotten so bad. She didn't return my call because she really wasn't well enough to talk on the phone. It was a huge shock to me when I received the email about her death from Steve.I immediately booked a flight for the weekend of her memorial, and it was an incredible weekend. I arrived on Friday night, and I decided to write down some quick thoughts about what she meant to me. It was my own short eulogy. This is what I wrote:
"In my opinion I have always known Soyoung. I met her in this life when I was about 11 or 12 years old, but I know we've been kindred spirits forever. It started as private yoga classes and quickly grew into one of the most meaningful friendships I have ever experienced. In high school I was over at Steve and Soyoung's house for yoga, dinner, movies, or sleepovers all the time. I have never left a meeting, phone call, or email with Soyoung without feeling rejuvenated. She just had a way of making me feel whole. I feel so blessed to have known her. I will miss her so very much, but I know she's still watching over us and I truly believe that I will meet with her again."
Around 10am on Saturday morning I drove to the memorial. Steve was the first person I saw. He gave me a great big hug and asked me to sit in front with the rest of her family. I felt so honored to be there. I saw many others that I knew, exchanged many hugs, and then the service began. Liz gave the eulogy and it was absolutely perfect. I wish I could remember and write down everything she said. What really stuck with me though was when she called Soyoung a healer. I couldn't come up with title myself, but that's exactly what Soyoung was. She healed people from the inside out. She listened and always left you feeling better than when she found you. She took people under her wings and just loved them.
Soyoung was Buddhist. She and I shared the belief that truth is truth no matter where you find it. I believe and practice a different religion, but this prayer was read by one of her friends from her masters program in acupuncture and it is simply beautiful.
Liberating Prayer
Praise to Buddha Shakyamuni
O Blessed One, Shakyamuni Buddha,
Precious treasury of compassion,
Bestower of supreme inner peace,
You, who love all being without exception,
Are the source of happiness and goodness;
And you guide us to the liberating path.
Your body is a wishfulfilling jewel,
Your speech is supreme, purifying nectar,
And your mind is refuge for all living beings.
With folded hand I turn to you,
Supreme unchanging friend,
I request from the depths of my heart:
Please give me the light of your wisdom
To dispel the darkness of my mind
And to heal my mental continuum.
Please nourish me with your goodness,
That I in turn may nourish all beings
With an unceasing banquet of delight.
Through your compassionate intention,
Your blessings and virtuous deeds,
And my strong wish to rely upon you,
May all suffering quickly cease
And all happiness and joy be fulfilled;
And may hold Dharma flourish for evermore.
After the service, everyone drove to Steve and Soyoung's house for a luncheon. I had so many people come up to me and they already knew who I was and what I did because Soyoung had talked about me so much. Everyone quoted Soyoung as saying that she never had to worry about me because she knew I would have a great life. Most people filtered out after an hour or two, but the few of us who were really close to her stayed until about 9pm. All of the ones who stayed were people I had met through Soyoung, and they are all such wonderful people. I am so lucky to have such people in my life! It was a very emotional day, but also a very healing one. That evening, Steve gave me a present that Soyoung had left me. She left me some of her favorite things: a cozy purple sweater, a purse, and her pearl necklace. Her final note to me said that she just couldn't bare to tell me how sick she had become, but that she loved me and wished Jesse and me all the best.
I still usually tear up when I think about her, and I have gone through several tissues writing this post. She was such an incredible person. I have no idea what I did to deserve such a wonderful friend. She is so much a part of me, and I am forever grateful for her influence in my life.
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